So fun fun. I hate looking at profiles of people who are related to me. I mean sometimes its as if they purposely distaced themselves from my parents, my brother and I. I mean shit no one is perfect, but its a crime for any jackass who purposely made it their descision to not spend time with us!! I mean my mom and dad were and are incredible parents. They're smart, funny, generous, kind, wonderful grandparents and have been really good to us!! I mean i know we didn't always have alot, but they are good to their family. My dad can be a bit boistrous when he's drunk, and mom can be emotional. My family is wonderful, and I feel bitter toward anyone who doesn't appreciate their unique spirit and charm.
So today i am going to go to the walk-in Clinic at Des Moines Broadlawns medical center. I was supposed to be taking meds due to the fact that i had PPD after i had my daughter, and stopped taking the medications i was taking. I hate Zoloft, and don't like the way it made me feel, it stopped the weeping, but that was it. Now i think my post partum depression, (PPD) has proven i have severe depression. I suspect i have always had it, but it was easier to hide prior to kids. They really test your patience, and unfortunately, that is something i don't need.
I'm looking forward to the weekend. I am taking my kids to my parents house to spend time with them. My parents live about 50 miles away from us, yet we rarely see them unless they come to Des Moines. So a few months ago i started a one weekend a month visit with them so the kids can spend time with them and so that i can as well. I mean the main reason i ever tried to talk my wonderful hubby into moving here was so i could be closer to them, and yet when i worked i rarely saw them, and even since the kids were born. I mean, whats the point in being a mere 50 miles away and not seeing them but maybe one weekend a month when they come up to Des Moines for something. This way the kids are able to spend 3.5 days with them, (1.5 with each at least due to working) and then if they still come up to Des Moines and visit we see them then. This weekend is mother's day. While it is a bad weekend for my hubby due to the loss of his momma a few years ago, I want to try and make up for all the shitty things i have done in regards to my own. While she considers me her best friend, i know i haven't always been a good friend, and have at times been hurtful to her. I know she has on more than one occasion been the same to me, but she thought that her criticism was helping. I feel bad for the numerous occasions where i could have been a far better daughter, and feel lucky to have such a wonderful and understanding mother. Isn't it sad how we can feel close to someone when they never really let you know who they are. I mean my mom is wonderful, but she has put a wall up, one that no one will ever penetrate, not even my father who has been married to her over 30 years. My mom has secrets, as all of us do, and she's afraid to let them surface. I'm not saying she's a bad person, cause that, i know isn't true at all. She's kind, loving, giving, sensitive, warm, beautiful, funny, smart, shy, very judgemental at times, and wonderful. I mean i aspire to be as great as a momma as she has been to me.
My dad, he's a whole different story. He's a social butterfly, like that of my husband. He's loud, warm, funny, generous, opinionated, smart, really smart, a wonderful painter, a great gardener, hunter, fisher, wow the list goes on and on. But people don't understand my dad. While he isn't shy and has no problem standing up in front of large groups of people (he loves karaoke), he's surprisingly sensitive, warm, and afraid that people will hurt him and that they won't appreciate him for who he is. Now I'm under no illusions, that my parents are people, adults, but they are my mom and dad, they're just as sensitive to rejection as any individual is. As we grow, married couples or simply couples with children and get older, friends tend to dwindle, especially couples, which in my opinion are the only type of friends married couples need. My parents have had trouble keeping these friends around. Be it because of the things my brother and i have done as we have grown, or the fact that the people they called friends weren't at all. To that... Bryce Travis, you're a prick!! I feel bad sometimes, but i just don't get how anyone can't appreciate them.
On that note I as well am an acquired taste. I'm loud, crack weird jokes, i like to pick fun at people. I am grouchy, and don't like to be disappointed by people. If a friend screws me over, then i don't want to hang out with them again. I just don't' want to set myself up for hurt. I mean, i have one friend I've had since 9Th grade, she's been there, she's not perfect but she's never let me down, she's the exception to the rule. I just dont' have the patience for bs.
More later on!!
